The Altimate Joke

Most of you know that I'm in the market for a car. I've been looking extensively online and in the LA Times (which is terrible, by the way) for used stick-shift Altimas that are in the $5000 - $6000 range. Well, the search really hasn't produced much for two reasons: 1) I want the car to not be crap and 2) they don't make many sedans with manual transmissions. However, I went out to a dealer last Friday and looked over a car that seemed almost perfect, but that I wasn't able to test drive. Being such a good lead, however, I decided to go back out today and give it a spin.

Got to the dealership and told the dealer I met on Friday (Jonathan) that I wanted to take the car to a mechanic to make sure that it was as sound as the outside led me to believe. He had no problem with my request and gave me the keys. It was the first time I'd been given permission to test-drive a car completely unsupervised.

Now, I'm not the best at driving a manual transmission automobile, but the car seemed relatively smooth when shifting and didn't seem to have any noticeable problems, so I was hopeful when I took it into Universal City Nissan. Unfortunately, they were all booked up for the day, so I had to rethink my plan a little bit. Since the car was all the way out in Burbank, driving back to 'SC to come back on Thursday simply wasn't an option. On Friday, Jonathan told me that he'd give me a 24-hour test-drive if I'd like. Basically, I buy the car with the ability to take it back to him, no questions asked, for a full refund if within 24 hours. Doing this, I'd be able to get it checked out by a dealer closer to campus and if everything checked out, I wouldn't have to drive back. I, however, am always reluctant with such a deal since it's probably much more difficult to get the money back than one would think, especially with the possibility of exceptions to the rule, such as if the car broke down while on the 24-hour period or the dealer decided to close early or something. So, I chose to go back inside Universal City Nissan and, sheepishly, ask for the number to a nearby competing Nissan dealership.

After talking to a rather odd salesman by the name of Ben, I was utterly impressed with the guys at Miller Nissan. Everyone was extremely friendly and helpful, especially one of the service managers, Herb. After explaining the situation to him, Herb offered to have his guys look the car over instead of me having to pay $91 for a full 100-point diagnostic on a car that I might not even buy. Best part about it, he gave me the best of deals for the service!!

After about ten minutes, he came out and offered to let Emmy and I look at the car while it was still up on the jack. Those next ten minutes, as Herb and his men showed me what the car was really worth, played out like a bad Mastercard commercial:

Broken (front-wheel drive) Boot........................$256.00
Rear Brakes.......................................................$189.99
Airbag Deployment Computer...........................$800.00
Cracked Drive Belts...........................................$119.99
Worn Clutch......................................................$962.00
Alternator Idler Pulley......................................$133.00
Seeping Radiator Hose.......................................$89.00
Weak Rear Shocks..............................................$540.00

Realizing the car you were planning to buy is actually a piece of crap: Dispiriting.

I took the car back to Jonathan when he proceeded to offer the car to me for $5200, nearly $800 off the asking price. I then asked him if he had the car checked out, to which he replied that he had, by his own mechanic. I then told him that he should probably find a new mechanic and showed him the receipt that Herb printed up for me and simultaneously offered him $1500 for the car. He, sadly, realized that he couldn't sell the car for what it was actually worth and offered to fix some of the more serious problems if I settled on the car for $6000. I thanked him for his time and we left.

Honestly, though, the entire process was probably the most disheartening thing I've ever gone through before. My spirit was dashed in an instant as I realized that the car I put all my hope in was actually a piece of deceptive trash. I've also lost almost all faith in car dealers. Either they're ignorant on the cars in their inventory (unlikely considering they had to pay for them) or they have no shame in passing off lemons to unsuspecting buyers. I really hope that Jonathan was simply ignorant and puts a little money into fixing that Altima before he tries to sell it again, but I'm probably just being wishful.

Either way, I'm still car-less and in the market. Let me know if you've got any leads, cause I could sure use a few. Or, at the very least, a good joke; preferably funnier than the one played on me today. :/

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Access: Granted

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Driving Me Crazy

I'm planning to buy a car, but the more I research, the more confused I get. I've tried to just think about things and read a few article in order to figure out which one would be the best fit, but it's getting me nowhere but frustrated. So, I've decided to do things somewhat objectively and rate the cars based upon a number of different factors and then multiply that number by how important I find that factor to be in order to come up with 'the best' car, for me.

Factors Under Consideration

Comfort - My butt, back, legs, and passengers should thank me for buying the car.
Commonness - Some like driving the same car as everybody else in the world, I don't.
Fun to Drive - I love driving. I need to make sure the car I buy doesn't kill that.
Gas - I don't want to work just so I can drive to work. Includes mileage and type.
Handling - I'm not in the market for a Hummer, so the car shouldn't handle like one.
Insurance - The more power, the more I'll pay every six months.
Look - Inside. Outside. I'd like it to be pretty.
Price - I am just a college student.
Quietness - Can't let the noise of the road interfere with my singing.
Reliability - I don't want to save money up front to pay for costly repairs later.
Ride Quality - LA roads suck; it be nice if the car made them less-so.
Safety - It'd be nice to know that the vehicle I'm driving will protect me.

Worth to Me

Like I said in the entry paragraph, I'm buying the car. I'm the one that has to drive it on a daily basis. And so I'm the one that needs to be happy with it. So, this column is to determine the value of said factor, to me. I'll use this number to give a weight to the factor so that something I don't really care much about doesn't skew the final score.

Cars I'm Evaluating

1996 - 1997 Nissan Maxima, probably the SE:





1997 Honda Accord, probably an LX:





1998 Honda Accord, probably an LX:





1998 - 1999 Nissan Altima, probably the SE:





By the Numbers

	--Weight--	--96 Maxima--	--97 Accord--	--98 Accord--	--99 Altima--
Comfort*	3	4	4	4	3
Common	4	4	3	2	4
Fun*	5	5	3	4	4
Gas	3	2	4	4	4
Handling*	4	4	3	4	5
Insurance	3	3	4	4	4
Look	4	5	3	4	4
Price	2	4	4	2	4
Quiet*	2	4	4	5	4
Reliability	5	4	5	5	4
Ride*	3	3	4	4	4
Safety	2	4	3	4	3
TOTALS	200	157	146	155	151

The * denotes scores based upon third party opinion. I'll update after a test drive.

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Mountain Oysters, Anyone?

Reached into my wallet today to come up with exact change for a tasty boba beverage only to discover that I was carrying what appeared to be foreign coinage. Upon further inspection, however, I realized that the coin in question was actually a US nickel, only with a picture of Jefferson that has all the contemporary pizzaz of the new $20 bill...

...and as my roommate Hieu pointed out, an anatomically-correct buffalo.

Ha, ha, ha!

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Shameless Plug

In the summer of last year, Microsoft hired advertising agency 4orty2wo to promote one of their flagship XBox sequels: Halo 2. The agency specializes in what they call alternate reality games (ARGs), a form of interactive mystery which draws people into a narrative via hidden clues and cryptic messages. Since the first campaign was so successful, Microsoft has gone and partnered with them again, this time to promote the successor to the XBox, (code?)named XBox 360.

The website, ourcolony.net, promotes users to form groups, or colonies, in order to gain points and compete with other colonies by answering riddles and discovering Easter eggs on the site itself, like a possible in-game screen capture of a Ferrari 360 Modena (XBox 360, get it?) from the as-of-yet unannounced Project Gotham Racing 3. Points are also awards to the colonies based upon the number of people in the colony. This form of marketing is known as 'viral marketing' because the advertising firm doesn't do a thing after setting up the site. Those that play want to win, and as a result, write about their teams on message boards and web logs in hopes that they can recruit members and as a result, end up speading the word.

Right now, TeamTrojan is ranked about 380 out of nearly 3000 teams, but we need more members. You would be signing up not only to help the cause, but also to compete with the other teams for prizes such as t-shirts and free games. Last summer, when the game promoting Halo 2 came to end, Microsoft invited nearly a thousand of the top-ranking players to a private play test nearly a week before the game was released to the public.

Sound like fun? Here's what to do:

1. Go to www.ourcolony.net
2. Enter the word play in the box and click on the ant.
   
3. Select 'join existing colony'.
4. Enter the password 26364616 in the box.
5. Fill out your information (no email is asked for).
6. Enter the numbers in red in the box below directly below.
7. Welcome to TeamTrojan!

Each day there is a new riddle to solve, which we get points for solving, so check back to join in the fun. And remember, the more people that join, the more points we all get, so direct your friends to this entry when they need instructions on what to do to start playing.

Have fun!

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Reduce, Reuse, Recycle!

Devin just voiced his dissatisfaction to me about my most recent post. Specifically, that it didn't count and that I needed to post again. So, after thinking it over, I've decided that he's right. The following is a photo journal on an adventure Devin had a couple weeks ago.

So, during our spring break, Devin and I went on a cruise with some friends. Like you do when out on the high seas, we all got a little sun. Devin, however, got a little more than everyone else. So while we were playing card games a couple weeks back, I suggested to Devin that he should get do something about his peeling skin. So, taking my advice, he decided to eat it!

Devin, putting the freshly-pulled skin into his mouth.


Tasty, eh?


And apparently, a little bit chewy.


Did I just do that?

Oh man, I think I'm gonna be sick!

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Pun Fun

I didn't write this post. Rather, got it from a friend of a (girl)friend and thought it was funny enough to pass on to the rest of you. Besides, I haven't updated in a bit and this is a cheap way to at least have something in my April archives.

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Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon Vu: the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sun bathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one huge shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

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