The Altimate Joke

Most of you know that I'm in the market for a car. I've been looking extensively online and in the LA Times (which is terrible, by the way) for used stick-shift Altimas that are in the $5000 - $6000 range. Well, the search really hasn't produced much for two reasons: 1) I want the car to not be crap and 2) they don't make many sedans with manual transmissions. However, I went out to a dealer last Friday and looked over a car that seemed almost perfect, but that I wasn't able to test drive. Being such a good lead, however, I decided to go back out today and give it a spin.

Got to the dealership and told the dealer I met on Friday (Jonathan) that I wanted to take the car to a mechanic to make sure that it was as sound as the outside led me to believe. He had no problem with my request and gave me the keys. It was the first time I'd been given permission to test-drive a car completely unsupervised.

Now, I'm not the best at driving a manual transmission automobile, but the car seemed relatively smooth when shifting and didn't seem to have any noticeable problems, so I was hopeful when I took it into Universal City Nissan. Unfortunately, they were all booked up for the day, so I had to rethink my plan a little bit. Since the car was all the way out in Burbank, driving back to 'SC to come back on Thursday simply wasn't an option. On Friday, Jonathan told me that he'd give me a 24-hour test-drive if I'd like. Basically, I buy the car with the ability to take it back to him, no questions asked, for a full refund if within 24 hours. Doing this, I'd be able to get it checked out by a dealer closer to campus and if everything checked out, I wouldn't have to drive back. I, however, am always reluctant with such a deal since it's probably much more difficult to get the money back than one would think, especially with the possibility of exceptions to the rule, such as if the car broke down while on the 24-hour period or the dealer decided to close early or something. So, I chose to go back inside Universal City Nissan and, sheepishly, ask for the number to a nearby competing Nissan dealership.

After talking to a rather odd salesman by the name of Ben, I was utterly impressed with the guys at Miller Nissan. Everyone was extremely friendly and helpful, especially one of the service managers, Herb. After explaining the situation to him, Herb offered to have his guys look the car over instead of me having to pay $91 for a full 100-point diagnostic on a car that I might not even buy. Best part about it, he gave me the best of deals for the service!!

After about ten minutes, he came out and offered to let Emmy and I look at the car while it was still up on the jack. Those next ten minutes, as Herb and his men showed me what the car was really worth, played out like a bad Mastercard commercial:

Broken (front-wheel drive) Boot........................$256.00
Rear Brakes.......................................................$189.99
Airbag Deployment Computer...........................$800.00
Cracked Drive Belts...........................................$119.99
Worn Clutch......................................................$962.00
Alternator Idler Pulley......................................$133.00
Seeping Radiator Hose.......................................$89.00
Weak Rear Shocks..............................................$540.00

Realizing the car you were planning to buy is actually a piece of crap: Dispiriting.

I took the car back to Jonathan when he proceeded to offer the car to me for $5200, nearly $800 off the asking price. I then asked him if he had the car checked out, to which he replied that he had, by his own mechanic. I then told him that he should probably find a new mechanic and showed him the receipt that Herb printed up for me and simultaneously offered him $1500 for the car. He, sadly, realized that he couldn't sell the car for what it was actually worth and offered to fix some of the more serious problems if I settled on the car for $6000. I thanked him for his time and we left.

Honestly, though, the entire process was probably the most disheartening thing I've ever gone through before. My spirit was dashed in an instant as I realized that the car I put all my hope in was actually a piece of deceptive trash. I've also lost almost all faith in car dealers. Either they're ignorant on the cars in their inventory (unlikely considering they had to pay for them) or they have no shame in passing off lemons to unsuspecting buyers. I really hope that Jonathan was simply ignorant and puts a little money into fixing that Altima before he tries to sell it again, but I'm probably just being wishful.

Either way, I'm still car-less and in the market. Let me know if you've got any leads, cause I could sure use a few. Or, at the very least, a good joke; preferably funnier than the one played on me today. :/